my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
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Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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