ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
