You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
