Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
