He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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