They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Boobs are out for the taking
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
