You really coming over, don't trick.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
