He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
