I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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