I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
