your parents love me but you hate me
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
