I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
