How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
