I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
