"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
