I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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