You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
