If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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