from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
