So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
where am i from again
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
