So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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