So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
