I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
