Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
