You kept calling me your small dog last night.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
