Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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