so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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