my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
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You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
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Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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