My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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