is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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