remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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