So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
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There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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