break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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