Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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