Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
PANTIES FOUND
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
