WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
