I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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