Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
