Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
