I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
