Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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