What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
