I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
