My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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