OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
