dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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