Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
