Soap is not a condiment
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
3 2 1 whiskey
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
