I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
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She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
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Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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