he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
