U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
