Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize