things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
