if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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