My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
