i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
