i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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