he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
