She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
