my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
