dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
