chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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