@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
