Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
